


Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?

by p0pcandy



Series: Random Rhack One-Shots [3]
Category: Borderlands
Genre: Almost no plot, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, I will admit this fic was just because I was looking at pick-up lines one night, M/M, Office Sex, Rhys as Jack's PA, Tons of puns, literally the whole thing is about pick up lines, oh yeah we're going there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 12:40:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7508671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/p0pcandy/pseuds/p0pcandy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhys was trying to get some way to tell Jack how he liked him, so why not a notecard full of pick-up lines for him to memorize? It was a good idea until Jack found the card because he was bored and decided to snoop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there guess who wrote another sin fic? me

The day had gone by slowly, and now Jack was sitting alone in his office while his PA, Rhys, ran out to get him some coffee. Sitting in an office gets really boring after a while, like _really_ boring, and now Jack was bored out of his mind. He let his eyes wander around the vast room, and they had finally settled on Rhys’ desk. Swiftly getting up and walking over to his PA’s desk he clicked on the computer. Of course, it was password protected, and it was one of the easiest passwords Jack had _ever_ hacked. Sadly, there was not much that interested Jack on Rhys’ computer. Just some documents that were to be sent to Jack later and a few photos of him with his friends. Well, at least the kid took his job seriously. Shutting off the computer screen Jack huffed and looked down to Rhys’ keyboard, then to a small piece of paper sticking out from underneath it.

“Oh hello,” Jack chuckled as he took it out and looked at the notecard which had, what looked like, quickly scribbled handwriting saying, “pickup lines to use on J” As Jack heard his Echo go off on his own desk he walked over and sat down with the note card still in his hand. “Hellooo?” He cooed when he answered the call.

“Two scientists from R&D are here to see you, sir,” his receptionist Meg said waiting for Jack's answer. _Damn it_. Jack sighed but he didn't want this to change his mood, he just found a note from Rhys which was definitely for him and he didn't even get to read the rest of it.

“Send ‘em in. It better be something good.” Just as if on cue two scientists walked in, one holding papers and the other fidgeting with his hands nervously. “So? What is it you want? I'm in a good mood so make it quick.”

“Uh-Uhm we-we found a way to stun-” aaaaannnndd Jack was bored again. He sighed and crossed his arms while the scientists talked. They had droned on for what seemed like forever before Jack cut them off by raising a hand.

“Ok, first off, boring. Second-” Jack held up the note card, “You know what this is?”

“a-a note card sir?”

“Not just a notecard pea-brain. My PA, Rhysie, has more interesting things to say on this dumb notecard than you do in that stack of paper,” Jack sighed as he examined the notecard in his hand, “I snooped around to find this little gem,”

“It's bad to snoop!” the other scientist spoke up, clutching the papers in her hands.

“I'm sorry what was that?” Jack blinked and kept his gaze locked on the notecard before slowly turning it to the scientist. “I didn't catch that sweetheart, say it again.”

“I-I-I,” she stammered stepping back.

“If I heard it correctly it sounded like you were telling me what to do.”

“S-Sorry sir,” The scientist looked down at her hands and gulped.

“Eh. You're lucky I'm in a good mood,” Jack cleared his throat as the scientists shuffled in their place, both of them seemed nervous. “You two are smart, right? Really good at your jobs I bet. So... why don't you two go off and do them.” when the two had stood still instead of running Jack leaned forward with a growl, “Leave.” Both of them scrambled for the exit and ran out of the room. With a sigh, Jack leaned back and pushed a button on his ECHO. “Meg, be a darling and airlock those two for me, I would myself but Rhys is almost back.” there was a soft murmur on the other side of “yes sir,” before the line went dead.

Jack spun in his chair taking the notecard in his hand with a slightly growing smile. He looked over Elpis in the room and laughed to himself thinking of how much Rhys would be embarrassed by the note.

“Jack? I'm back.” ah, speak of the devil. Jack spun back around hiding the notecard and taking the coffee Rhys was handing to him.

“Rhysie, baby! Am I happy to see you!”

“Someone's cheerful.” Rhys said with a laugh, “What's that about?”

“Well,” Jack started, “I had a very eventful morning airlocking two nasty scientists and-and! Found this!” Jack held up a card that had Rhys’ handwriting on it.

“W-Where did you get that?!” Rhys reached out to grab it but Jack moved it away before he could with a “tsk tsk”

“I haven't got to the good part Rhys.”

“But there is none- please give it back,”

“pickup lines to use on J.” Jack smirked up at Rhys,”Who’s J, huh?”

“N-No one you would know?”

“Is it me?”

Rhys gave off a nervous laugh followed by a long drawn out, “ _Noooooo_ ,” as Jack raised an eyebrow keeping his smirk Rhys gave another awkward laugh, “It's uh...His name is...” Rhys was desperately trying to think of a name, “John!”

“Oh?” Jack inquired leaning forward, “Tell me about this, ‘John' will ya Rhysie?” Rhys gulped audibly and looked away and rubbed the back of his neck.

“He's uh... He has brown hair... and... _crap_... Blue eyes?” Rhys looked at Jack who was leaning back with a shit eating grin. “He uh...”

“Rhys you don't have to be shy about it, everyone has a crush on me once in their lives.”

“What? _Nooo,_ this guy is totally _real_ and not _you_.”

“Never questioned if he was real or not.” Jack had softly cackled and pulled up the note card again. “Why don't we read some of these? Hmm?”

“No. No no. No reading.” Rhys tried to grab for the card again but Jack spun around.

“How much does it cost to date you? BECAUSE _damn_ you look expensive. Hah! That one is so _stupid_.”

“What?! No! That one is _genius_.”

“Oh, this one is _spicy_. Ready for this? Your ankles are having a party wanna invite your pants down?”

“Jack this is akin to torture,” Jack was wheezing as Rhys had let out a whine.

“Alright on more, Jesus-” Jack cleared his throat and studied the card, “Are you a magician because when I look at you everyone else disappears,” Jack went silent for a moment and Rhys couldn't figure out why. “Huh... wow that is cheesy. You uh... Really like this John guy.” Rhys seemed confused then stood straight.

“Oh! Uh yeah! Yeah, I do...”

“Does he like you?”

“I'm not sure actually...” Rhys rubbed the back of his neck, “I can never tell.”

“Rhys, I got a good one.”

“A good what?”

“Pick up line. It's better than yours,” Jack cleared his throat as he stood and walked up to Rhys, “So I've been wondering...” Jack paused in front of Rhys with a devilish smirk, “Do you taste as good as you look?” Rhys was frozen solid for what he was sure was a whole minute. “See told you it was good.”

“Wanna...Wanna find out?” Rhys said mustering all the courage he had.

“Wh...What?”

“I...I-I said wanna find out?” Jack was silent as he looked over Rhys then slowly licked his lips.

“Rhys, did you lie about the note?”

“Are you going to take this chance or not?” A laugh came from Jack as he pushed Rhys to the wall and caged him in.

“You snarky little shit. You do like me don't you?”

“I literally don't even know a John.” Rhys squeaked when met with the rough hands pulling him up.

“I like you too Rhysie, but you really have to work on your pick-up lines.”

“They were great pick-up lines!” Jack snorted and smashed his lips against Rhys’ in a hungry kiss. Rhys had returned it with a whine as he gripped onto Jack's hair.

“They. Were. Terrible.” Jack said in between kisses and ground his hips on Rhys’ getting a moan from his PA.

“Y-You're terrible- _ahh_ ,” Rhys squirmed when Jack bit his neck and sucked on it lightly with a chuckle.

“That's not what your body is saying,” Jack said with another laugh and kissed down Rhys’ neck.

“Sh-Shut up,” Rhys whined and ran his fingers through Jack's hair.

“Mmh, are you telling me what to do Rhysie? I'll have to punish you for that-”

Rhys had snorted and giggled out a soft, “kinky,” while wiggling his eyebrows. This made Jack laugh and pull Rhys closer.

“Kinky is for later baby,” Jack cooed and guided Rhys’ legs around his waist. “We'll get there though don't worry.” Jack had walked back to his desk and put Rhys on top making some of the papers fall off of the desk. Rhys grinned and leaned up to kiss Jack.

“You said my pick-up lines sucked but they obviously worked on you,”

“It wasn't the pickup lines dum dum, they were all shit, it was you and your damn long legs,” Jack trailed his kisses down but stopped at the collar of Rhys’ shirt, “I swear to god I need to get you a new outfit to wear,” Jack tugged on Rhys’ tie making him jut forward, “Something more fitting, if you catch my drift,”

“It better not be a maid outfit,”

“Oho that's a classic Rhysie, never mess with the classics.” Jack finally got Rhys’ tie off and threw it on the ground by his desk, “I was thinking on something more... _formal_ , though,” Jack started to unbutton Rhys’ shirt and he felt Rhys tug on his jacket, “I bet you'd look damn good in a skirt,” When he undid the first two buttons on Rhys’ shirt he bit his collar drawing a moan from Rhys.

“I-In the office? I can't do that,” Rhys whimpered and leaned slightly back to pull Jack away from his neck.

“You're right, really tight pants then,” Jack unbuttoned the rest of Rhys’ shirt and let it pool around his elbows that he was using to keep his upper body up. “Something I can see this great ass in,” Jack squeezed Rhys’ ass to emphasize his point. Rhys’ breath hitched and laid back a little as Jack worked at the button on his pants. “Do you know how long I have been waiting for _you_ to hit on me?” Jack asked then trailed his tongue down to Rhys’ nipple and sucked on it before rolling it in between his teeth drawing another moan from Rhys.

“I-I never thought that you would ever want to be with me,” Jack looked up at Rhys through his lashes. He leaned upwards from his crooked position over Rhys and gently kissed him. This kiss had really surprised Rhys as he let out a hum and tangled his hands in Jack's hair. The kiss had gone on for at least a minute before Jack pulled back with a chuckle.

“You must've not caught on then, and don't think I'm not taking you home after this,” Jack gave a quick kiss and got back to what he was doing, pulling down Rhys’ pants faster than he could probably say “Hyperion”. “Don't think this is a one-time thing either,” Jack continued with a kiss near Rhys’ hip.

“I was hoping you'd say that,” Rhys laughed and moved one hand to grip to the edge of the desk that his body was pulled towards, his other hand still in Jack's hair.

“After pick-up lines like that how could I _not_ take you out more than once,” Jack said while rolling his eyes and snapping the band of Rhys’ boxers, which got a small yelp out of the younger man.

“Ah-hah!” Rhys said giving a smile to Jack who pushed Rhys’ boxers down slightly, “See I knew they were great pick-up lines! You liked them, admit it.”

“That was sarcasm pumpkin, but I’ll entertain you, sure I liked them.” Rhys was about to say something when Jack placed a bite onto the skin of the bottom of Rhys’ thigh, making him yelp instead, “Mm, what was that sweetheart?” Jack cooed and licked over the bite.

“I-I was going to say your pick-up lines weren’t any good either!” Jack looked up at Rhys from in between his legs and slowly smirked at Rhys.

“The only way for a pick-up line to be good is if it works, and since I got you to let me fuck you, I’d say it worked pretty damn well,” Jack kissed down Rhys’ thigh and ended his trail of kisses near his hip, “Don’t you agree, pumpkin?”

“Y-You’re just in denial that mine were actually good,” Rhys whined and Jack pulled himself momentarily up to kiss Rhys’ cheek then slowly sucked on his earlobe drawing a soft moan from Rhys.

“Denial? You're the one in denial,” Jack whispered and kissed Rhys making the younger man whine when he leaned back as fast as he ignited the kiss. Jack trailed kisses down Rhys’ body until he got to his hips where he gave him a small bite. Rhys leaned up on his elbows and looked at Jack whose mouth was hovering dangerously close to his dick. Jack looked up to Rhys through his lashes and gave him a toothy grin. Rhys gulped audibly which made Jack place another kiss on his hip, then giving Rhys’ dick a kiss.

“S-Stop teasing me,” Rhys whined, making Jack laugh.

“Teasing who's teasing? I’m not teasing,” Jack said running his hands over Rhys’ thighs. Jack moved his head down to the base of Rhys’ cock and licked a stripe up it, grinning when he heard the moan from Rhys.

“G-God Jack just-”

“Ah ah. Don't be getting impatient now Rhysie,” Jack cooed and put Rhys’ dick in his mouth, laying his tongue flat and hollowing his cheeks. A lewd moan came from Rhys and Jack had to hold Rhys’ legs open because it seemed his first instinct was to _close_ them. Jack started slowly bobbing his head up and down Rhys’ length when he felt fingers grip onto his hair, briefly looking up he took in as much of he could of his PA, sitting with his cybernetic arm being used as support and the pink tinted blush across his face. Jack lowered his head once more and then abandoned Rhys’ dick at he sat back up hearing the soft protest from Rhys. Jack clicked his tongue and moved himself in between Rhys’ legs.

“I'm sorry darling, but you'll like this next part _much_ better.” Rhys looked at Jack's hand curled around a small bottle then his gaze turned back to Jack with a whine. “I know sweetheart,” Jack softly cooed lubing up his fingers and taking almost no time to put one into Rhys.

“Oh god,” Rhys moaned when Jack again didn't hesitate to put another finger in him and move them slowly in a scissoring motion.

“Do you like that baby?” Jack moved his other hand to push Rhys’ legs more apart, “Mh, I can't wait to get inside you and _wreck_ you,” Rhys moaned, trying to push down on Jack's fingers until he felt a nice warm wetness engulf his shaft. Jack let out a hum around Rhys’ dick and started to thrust his fingers slowly in and out of Rhys. This drew a low moan out of Rhys while he gripped onto the front of Jack's hair.

“Jaaack _oh_ -” Rhys squirmed a little when a third finger was added into him very cautiously. Jack's head slowly bobbed on Rhys’ dick before pulling up slowly dragging his tongue along with his head. He chuckled, his hot breath hitting Rhys’ shaft.

“You're not getting too overwhelmed up there are you?”

“A-Are you- _ah fuck_ \- kidding me? T-This is-” Rhys moaned softly, almost like he was out of breath, “I could handle m-more,” Jack raised an eyebrow, replacing his mouth with his hand, rubbing Rhys’ dick.

“Is that so?”

“Ye- _fuck_ \- Yeah,” Rhys heard Jack laugh above him as Jack leaned in to suck on Rhys’ neck.

“Really?” Jack softly growled near Rhys’ ear before going back to his neck.

“T-Try me,” Rhys murmured, not trusting his voice at any other volumes. He heard another faint laugh from Jack.

“You sure you're ready for that?”

“I'm always ready,” Jack's motions stopped and drew a low whine from Rhys.

“Whatever you say, _darling_ ,” Jack pulled out his fingers and unbuckled his pants with a wicked grin, “No going back on your word alright? _You're always ready_ ,” Rhys gulped and kept his eyes fixed on the way Jack's hands quickly removed his own pants, then his boxers letting them drop to the floor, “Like what you see?” Rhys’ mouth was slightly agape as his breathing got a little faster.

“D-Damn,”

“I'll take that as a yes. Hope you bend like a noodle,”

“Wait Wh-” Rhys was cut off by Jack grabbing his legs and pushing them up, “J-Jack w-why are you-”

“I saw how you clenched around my head, as much as I would love to get squashed by your thighs I have other plans for this pretty ass of yours,” Jack let Rhys rest his legs on his shoulders as he started to align himself with Rhys’ entrance. Jack at first slowly pushed in, then in one quick thrust went all the way in tearing a pained moan from Rhys along with a gasp.

“Fucking- What plans?! To make me not able to walk?!”

“Ah, exactly babe,” Jack moved himself out slightly with a groan, “I want to be carrying you to my penthouse- show _everyone_ the piece of ass I got,” Rhys groaned when Jack punctuated what he said with a harsh thrust. “Damn your ass feels good,” Jack lowly growled and pulled himself halfway out then thrust hard back in.

“Ye-Yeah?” Rhys said through gritted teeth and held tightly to the desk, his metal fingers digging into the desk.

“Oh fuck yeah- and so tight,”

“Maybe because you didn't give me time to adjust-” Rhys felt Jack put a finger up to his lips.

“I did too, and don't forget I'm also your _boss_ , and your _BOSS_ doesn't like smack talk in bed- unless you're into that, then by all means-”

“J-Just continue with what you were doing, _pleas_ e.”

“My pleasure, _literally_ ,” Jack snorted and started to move his hips slowly. Rhys moaned leaning his head to the side as Jack slowly picked up his pace, using Rhys’ legs as something to pull Rhys closer. When Jack started getting faster and rougher Rhys tried to cover his mouth to try to muffle the louder moans, but Jack grabbed his hand and slammed it to the desk, “ _No_ , I want to hear you Rhys- tell me how much you love this,” Rhys let out a breathy moan and his fist clenched.

“J-Jack,”

“Mmh, yes baby?” Jack cooed quickening his pace, making Rhys let out a loud moan.

“This feels so good Jack,”

“I know it does sweetheart,” Jack had laughed and moved Rhys’ legs around his waist, “You know what I'm thinking baby?”

“N-Not really,” Rhys whispered trying to hold back another loud moan.

“Window sex,” Rhys’ eyes went wide, “Yeah! Nnh- _god_ \- doesn't that sound damn good?”

“I-I don't know-”

“Fuck it I'm doing it hold on,” Jack pulled Rhys up, making sure to stay inside him. Rhys held onto Jack's shoulders and soon felt his back be pushed against the coldness of the window and Jack continued at the pace he stopped at.

“Ah- Jack holy sh-”

“Shhshh I know it's cold- _god this is good_ \- you'll get used to it,” Jack grunted and started to move Rhys down on himself to make it like he was riding him. Rhys moaned loudly and his fingers started to dig into Jack's shoulder. Jack looked into Rhys’ half lidded and pleasure filled eyes before he started to kiss him and let one of his hands rub Rhys off. Rhys moaned into Jack's mouth and gripped to the back of his head.

“Oh god I hope no one sees this,” Rhys whispered before being kissed again.

“What? Embarrassed of me?” Jack said, starting to thrust and push Rhys down harshly, making whatever Rhys was going to say next caught in his throat. Rhys instead shook his head while letting out a moan. Jack had gone quiet too as he went from fast thrusts to practically ramming into Rhys, making the younger man become a moaning mess. Jack matched his hand motions to his thrusts. One awkward thrust had hit Rhys’ prostate and made him almost scream out and grip onto Jack's shoulders, probably almost hard enough to break the skin.

“Oh did I hit it Rhysie?” Jack said, his voice shallow and breathy as he hit that awkward angle again making Rhys become a stuttering and moaning mess from trying to answer Jack, at which Jack kept the angle and his harsh paced thrusts. Rhys leaned in close enough to kiss Jack and pushed his tongue into his mouth, letting Jack's tongue take over and explore his mouth briefly before pulling back. Jack moaned out and leaned back in to make out with him again. Jack rubbed his thumb over Rhys’ tip making the younger man moan in his mouth and pull back.

“I'm close J-Jack,” Rhys whined.

“Cum Rhys,” Jack groaned, “Cum for your boss,” Rhys whined needing really just that to send him over the edge and to orgasm in Jack's hand, his release getting on himself as well. Jack removed his hand and used it to sturdy Rhys as he went back to pounding into Rhys, the clenching feeling around his shaft making him release inside Rhys with a low moan of his name. He slowed his pace and looked at Rhys. “ _Damn_.”

“Damn is right,” Rhys laughed breathless, feeling himself being moved and placed back on Jack's desk where Jack had finally pulled out.

“So... I was thinking...dinner?” Jack mumbled looking away as he begun to buckle himself up.

“Just like that? Dinner?”

“Listen, you can either take this opportunity to have dinner with me or I can just let you starve. I'm not really ok with the second one so you better have dinner with me,” Jack heard Rhys laugh and saw him shake his head, “What is it going to be Rhys?”

“You know you don't have to threaten me on a date, of _course_ , Jack.”

“Good- in the meantime you need cleaned up,”

“Ya think?” Rhys took a deep breath and slowly inched off the desk onto wobbly legs.

“Go get cleaned up Rhys,”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked that you sinners I'm on tumblr as jaych1r1


End file.
